cally inform one — but that is not what I mean。 I mean much more than that。 I mean that one has one’s self no mental picture corresponding to the mental picture which one’s personality leaves in the minds of one’s friends。 Has it ever struck you that there is a mysterious individual going around ； walking the streets； calling at houses for tea； chatting； laughing； grumbling； arguing； and that all your friends know him and have long since added him up and e to a definite conclusion about him — without saying more than a chance； cautious word to you； and that that person is you！ Supposing that you came into a drawing room where you were having tea； do you think you would recognize yourself as an individuality？ I think not。 You would be apt to say to yourself as guests do when disturbed in drawing rooms by other guests，“Who’s this chap2？ Seems rather queer。 I hope he won’t be a bore。”And your first telling would be slightly hostile。 Why； even when you meet yourself in an unsuspected mirror in the very clothes that you have put on that very day and that you know by heart； you are almost always shocked by the realization that you are you。 And now and then； when you have gone to the glass to arrange your hair in the full sobriety of early morning； have you not looked on an absolute stranger； and has not that stranger piqued your curiosity？ And if it is thus with precise external details of form； colour； and movement； what may it not be with the vague plex effect of the mental and moral individuality？
A man honestly tries to make a good impression。 What is the result？ The result merely is that his friends； in the privacy of their minds； set him down as a man who tries to make a good impression。 If much depends on the result of a single interview； or a couple of interviews； a man may conceivably force another to accept an impression of himself which he would like to convey。 But if the receiver of the impression is to have time at his disposal； then the giver of the impression may just as well sit down and put his hands in his pockets； for nothing that he can do will modify or influence in any way the impression that he will ultimately give。 The real impress is； in the end； given unconsciously； not consciously； and further； it is received unconsciously； not consciously。 It depends partly on both persons。 And it is immutably3 fixed beforehand。 There can be no final deception…
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健全的人生（1）
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从前，有个圆圈缺失了一块楔子。它想保持完整，所以它到处寻找那块楔子。但因为它是不完整的，所以它只能慢慢地往前滚。在路上，它观赏各种花儿；它与虫子谈天说地；它还享受了灿烂阳光。圆圈找到了许多不同的楔子，但没有一个适合它。所以，它将它们全都留在路边，继续寻觅。终于有一天，它找到了一个完美的楔子。圆圈是如此地高兴，因为现在它可以说是完美无缺了。它装好配件，开始滚动起来。它已成为一个完美的圆圈，所以它滚动得非常快，以至于没有时间观赏花儿，也无暇与虫子交谈。当圆圈意识到因为它滚得如此之快，以至于眼中的世界变得截然不同时，它停了下来，将找到的配件扔在路边，又开始慢慢地往前滚动。
我想，这个故事告诉人们，从某种奇怪的意义上来说，当我们失去了一些东西时，反而会更加完整。一个拥有一切的人在某些方面其实是个穷人，因为他永远也体会不到什么是渴望、期待以及如何用美好的梦想去滋养自己的灵魂。他也永远不可能感悟到一个爱他的人送给他某种他梦寐以求的或者从未拥有过的东西意味着什么。
人生的完整性在于知道如何面对缺陷，如何勇敢地摒弃不现实的幻想而又不以此为憾。人生的完整性还在于学会勇敢地面对人生悲剧而继续活下去，能够在失去某人后依然表现出完整的个人风范。
人生并不是上帝为了谴责我们的缺陷而给我们设下的陷阱。人生也不是一场拼字游戏——不管你拼出了多少单词，一旦出现失误，你便前功尽弃。人生更像是一个棒球赛季，即使最好的球队也可能输掉三分之一的比赛，而最差的球队也有辉煌的时刻。我们的目标就是多赢球，少输球。当我们接受“不完整性”是人类本性的一部分时，当我们不断地在生命中前行并欣赏其价值时，我们就会获得其他人仅能渴望的完整人生。我相信这就是上帝对我们的要求：不求“完美”，也不求“永不犯错”，而是追求人生的“完整”。
如果我们有足够的勇气去爱，有足够的坚强去宽容，有足够的度量去为别人的快乐而高兴，有足够的睿智去理解充溢于我们身边的爱，那么我们便可得到其他生物所不能获得的满足感。
The Wholeness of Life
Anonymous
Once a circle missed a wedge1。 The circle wanted to be whole； so it went around looking for its missing piece。 But because it was inplete， and therefore could roll only very slowly。 It admired the flowers along the way； It chatted with worms； It enjoyed the sunshine；It found lots of different pieces； but none of them fit。 So it left them all by the side of the road and kept on searching。 Then one day the circle found a piece that fit perfectly。 It was so happy。 Now it could be whole； with nothing missing。 It incorporated2 the missing piece into itself and began to roll。 Now that it was a perfect circle； it could roll very fast； too fast to notice flowers or talk to the worms。 When it realized how different the world seemed when it rolled so quickly； it stopped； left its found piece by the side of the road and rolled slowly again。
The lesson of the story； I suggested； was that in some strange sense we are more whole when we are missing something。 The man who has everything is in some ways a poor man。 He will never know what it feels like to yearn； to hope； to nourish his soul with the dream of something better。 He will never know the experience of having someone who loves him give him something he has always wanted or never had。
健全的人生（2）
There is a wholeness about the person who has e to terms with his limitations； who has been brave enough to let go of his unrealistic dreams and not feel like a failure for doing so。 There is a wholeness about the man or woman who has learned that he or she is strong enough to go through a tragedy and survive； she can lose someone and still feel like a plete person。
Life is not a trap set for us by God so that he can condemn3 us for failing。 Life is not a spelling bee； where no matter how many words you’ve gotten right； you’re disqualified if you make one mistake。 Life is more like a baseball season； where even the best team loses one third of its games and even the worst team has its days of brilliance。 Our goal is to win more games than we lose。 When we accept that imperfection is part of being human； and when we can continue rolling through life and appreciate it； we will have achieved a wholeness that others can only aspire to。 That； I believe； is what God asks of us—not“Be perfect”； not “Don’t even make a mistake”； but “Be whole”。
If we are brave enough to love； strong enough to forgive； generous enough to rejoice in another’s happiness； and wise enough to know there is enough love to go around for us all； then we can achieve a fulfillment that no other living creature will ever know。
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计划自己的人生
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一个所谓的成长的现实就是对你生命中的可能与不可能的顺从和接受。想象你对自己或别人对你说了多少次“现在现实点儿……”天啊！现实的基础是什么？是社会的期望？是想减轻我们与期望的结果失之交臂的痛苦的父母的担心？还是我们朋友和亲人的才能和能力？而今，现实是管理自己的期望和确保自己的安全的一种方法。然而，这首先是自己不敢去尝试一次冒险和一段非凡的经历的一个很好的借口。
在过去与成千上万人的交往中