to the veriest stem or smallest blade of grass； and yet I am unable to
express myself： my powers of execution are so weak ， everything seems
to swim and float before me ， so that I cannot make a clear， bold outline。
But I fancy I should succeed better if I had some clay or wax to model。
I shall try ， if this state of mind continues much longer， and will
take to modelling ， if I only knead dough。
I have menced Charlotte's portrait three times ， and have as often
disgraced myself。 This is the more annoying ， as I was formerly very
happy in taking likenesses。 I have since sketched her profile ， and must
content myself with that。
JULY 25。 Yes， dear Charlotte ！ I will order and arrange everything。
Only give me more missions ， the more the better。 One thing ， however，
I must request： use no more writing…sand with the dear notes you send
me。 Today I raised your letter hastily to my lips ， and it set my teeth
on edge。
JULY 26。 I have often determined not to see her so frequently。 But
who could keep such a resolution？ Every day I am exposed to the temptation，
and promise faithfully that to…morrow I will really stay away ： but，
when tomorrow es ， I find some irresistible reason for seeing her
； and， before I can account for it， I am with her again。 Either she
has said on the previous evening 〃You will be sure to call to…morrow，
〃 —— and who could stay away then ？——or she gives me some mission，
and I find it essential to take her the answer in person； or the day
is fine ， and I walk to Walheim； and， when I am there， it is only
half a league farther to her。 I am within the charmed atmosphere， and
soon find myself at her side。 My grandmother used to tell us a story of
a mountain of loadstone。 When any vessels came near it， they were instantly
deprived of their ironwork： the nails flew to the mountain ， and the
unhappy crew perished amidst the disjointed planks。
JULY 30。 Albert is arrived， and I must take my departure。 Were he
the best and noblest of men ， and I in every respect his inferior， I
could not endure to see him in possession of such a perfect being。 Possession！
—— enough ， Wilhelm： her betrothed is here，—— a fine ， worthy
fellow， whom one cannot help liking。 Fortunately I was not present at
their meeting。 It would have broken my heart！ And he is so considerate
： he has not given Charlotte one kiss in my presence。 Heaven reward him
for it！ I must love him for the respect with which he treats her。 He
shows a regard for me ， but for this I suspect I am more indebted to
Charlotte than to his own fancy for me。 Women have a delicate tact in
such matters， and it should be so。 They cannot always succeed in keeping
two rivals on terms with each other ； but， when they do ， they are
the only gainers。
I cannot help esteeming Albert。 The coolness of his temper contrasts
strongly with the impetuosity of mine ， which I cannot conceal。 He has
a great deal of feeling ， and is fully sensible of the treasure he possesses
in Charlotte。 He is free from ill…humour， which you know is the fault
I detest most。
He regards me as a man of sense ； and my attachment to Charlotte ，
and the interest I take in all that concerns her， augment his triumph
and his love。 I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease her
with some little jealousies ； as I know， that ， were I in his place，
I should not be entirely free from such sensations。
But ， be that as it may， my pleasure with Charlotte is over。 Call
it folly or infatuation ， what signifies a name？ The thing speaks for
itself。 Before Albert came， I knew all that I know now。 I knew I could
make no pretensions to her， nor did I offer any， that is， as far as
it was possible ， in the presence of so much loveliness， not to pant
for its enjoyment。 And now， behold me like a silly fellow， staring with
astonishment when another es in， and deprives me of my love。
I bite my lips， and feel infinite scorn for those who tell me to
be resigned ， because there is no help for it。 Let me escape from the
yoke of such silly subterfuges！ I ramble through the woods ； and when
I return to Charlotte ， and find Albert sitting by her side in the summer…house
in the garden ， I am unable to bear it ， behave like a fool ， and mit
a thousand extravagances。 〃For Heaven's sake，〃 said Charlotte today，
〃let us have no more scenes like those of last night！ You terrify me
when you are so violent。〃 Between ourselves ， I am always away now when
he visits her ： and I feel delighted when I find her alone。
AUGUST 8。 Believe me， dear Wilhelm ， I did not allude to you when
I spoke so severely of those who advise resignation to inevitable fate。
I did not think it possible for you to indulge such a sentiment。 But in
fact you are right。 I only suggest one objection。 In this world one is
seldom reduced to make a selection between two alternatives。 There are
as many varieties of conduct and opinion as there are turns of feature
between an aquiline nose and a flat one。
You will， therefore， permit me to concede your entire argument，
and yet contrive means to escape your dilemma。
Your position is this ， I hear you say ： 〃Either you have hopes
of obtaining Charlotte， or you have none。 Well ， in the first case，
pursue your course， and press on to the fulfilment of your wishes。 In
the second， be a man ， and shake off a miserable passion， which will
enervate and destroy you。〃 My dear friend ， this is well and easily said。
But would you require a wretched being， whose life is slowly wasting
under a lingering disease ， to despatch himself at once by the stroke
of a dagger ？ Does not the very disorder which consumes his strength
deprive him of the courage to effect his deliverance？
You may answer me ， if you please， with a similar analogy ， 〃Who
would not prefer the amputation of an arm to the periling of life by doubt
and procrastination ！〃 But I know not if I am right， and let us leave
these parisons。
Enough！ There are moments， Wilhelm， when I could rise up and shake
it all off， and when ， if I only knew where to go ， I could fly from
this place。
THE SAME EVENING。
My diary， which I have for some time neglected ， came before me
today ； and I am amazed to see how deliberately I have entangled myself
step by step。 To have seen my position so clearly ， and yet to have acted
so like a child ！ Even still I behold the result plainly ， and yet have
no thought of acting with greater prudence。
AUGUST lO。 If I were not a fool ， I could spend the happiest and
most delightful life here。 So many agreeable circumstances， and of a
kind to ensure a worthy man's happiness ， are seldom united。 Alas！ I
feel it too sensibly，—— the heart alone makes our happiness！ To be
admitted into this most charming family ， to be loved by the father as
a son ， by the children as a father， and by Charlotte ！ then the noble
Albert， who never disturbs my happiness by any appearance of ill…humour，
receiving me with the heartiest affection ， and loving