There were sightings all over the area。 An energizing mental current； a snaky glow； seemed to pass from town to town。 It didn't matter whether you believed in these things or not。 They were an excitement； a wave； a tremor。 Some voice or noise would crack across the sky and we would be lifted out of death。 People drove speculatively to the edges of towns； where some would turn back； some decide to venture toward remoter areas which seemed in these past days to exist under a spell； a hallowed expectation。 The air grew soft and mild。 A neighbor's dog barked through the night。
In the fast food parking lot we ate our brownies。 Crumbs stuck to the heels of our hands。 We inhaled the crumbs； we licked the fingers。 As we got close to finishing； the physical extent of our awareness began to expand。 Food's borders yielded to the wider world。 We looked past our hands。 We looked through the windows； at the cars and lights。 We looked at the people leaving the restaurant； men； women and children carrying cartons of food； leaning into the wind。 An impatience began to flow from the three bodies in the rear seat。 They wanted to be home； not here。 They wanted to blink an eye and find themselves in their rooms； with their things； not sitting in a cramped car on this windswept concrete plain。 Journeys home were always a test。 I started up the car； knowing it was only a matter of seconds before the massed restlessness took on elements of threat。 We could feel it ing； Babette and I。 A sulky menace brewed back there。 They would attack us； using the classic strategy of fighting among themselves。 But attack us for what reason？ For not getting them home faster？ For being older and bigger and somewhat steadier of mood than they were？ Would they attack us for our status as protectors— protectors who must sooner or later fail？ Or was it simply who we were that they attacked； our voices； features； gestures； ways of walking and laughing； our eye color； hair color； skin tone； our chromosomes and cells？
As if to head them off； as if she could not bear the implications of their threat； Babette said pleasantly； 〃Why is it these UFOs are mostly seen upstate？ The best sightings are upstate。 People get abducted and taken aboard。 Fanners see burn marks where saucers landed。 A woman gives birth to a UFO baby； so she says。 Always upstate。〃
〃That's where the mountains are；〃 Denise said。 〃Spaceships can hide from radar or whatever。〃
〃Why are the mountains upstate？〃 Steffie said。
〃Mountains are always upstate；〃 Denise told her。 〃This way the snow melts as planned in the spring and flows downhill to the reservoirs near the cities； which are kept in the lower end of the state for exactly this reason。〃
I thought； momentarily； she might be right。 It made a curious kind of sense。 Or did it？ Or was it totally crazy？ There had to be large cities in the northern part of some states。 Or were they just north of the border in the southern part of states just to the north？ What she s。aid could not be true and yet I had trouble； momentarily； disproving it。 I could not name cities or mountains to disprove it。 There had to be mountains in the southern part of some states。 Or did they tend to be below the state line； in the northern part of states to the south？ I tried to name state capitals； governors。 How could there be a north below a south？ Is this what I found confusing？ Was this the crux of Denise's error？ Or was she somehow； eerily； right？
The radio said： 〃Excesses of salt； phosphorus； magnesium。〃
Later that night Babette and I sat drinking cocoa。 On the kitchen table； among the coupons； the foot…long supermarket receipts； the mail…order catalogs； was a postcard from Mary Alice； my oldest。 She is the golden issue of my first marriage to Dana Breedlove； the spy； and is therefore Steffie's full sister； although ten years and two marriages fell between。 Mary Alice is nineteen now and lives in Hawaii； where she works with whales。
Babette picked up a tabloid someone had left on the table。
〃Mouse cries have been measured at forty thousand cycles per second。 Surgeons use high…frequency tapes of mouse cries to destroy tumors in the human body。 Do you believe that？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃So do I。〃
She put down the newspaper。 After a while she said to me urgently； 〃How do you feel； Jack？〃
〃I'm all right。 I feel fine。 Honest。 What about you？〃
〃I wish I hadn't told you about my condition。〃
〃Why？〃
〃Then you wouldn't have told me you're going to die first。 Here are the two things I want most in the world。 Jack not to die first。 And Wilder to stay the way he is forever。〃
32
Murray and I walked across campus in our European manner； a serenely reflective pace； heads lowered as we conversed。 Sometimes one of us gripped the other near the elbow； a gesture of intimacy and physical support。 Other times we walked slightly apart； Murray's hands clasped behind his back； Gladney's folded monkishly at the abdomen； a somewhat worried touch。
〃Your German is ing around？〃
〃I still speak it badly。 The words give me trouble。 Howard and I are working on opening remarks for the conference。〃
〃You call him Howard？〃
〃Not to his face。 I don't call him anything to his face and he doesn't call me anything to my face。 It's that kind of relationship。 Do you see him at all？ You live under the same roof； after all。〃
〃Fleeting glimpses。 The other boarders seem to prefer it that way。 He barely exists； we feel。〃
〃There's something about him。 I'm not sure what it is exactly。〃
〃He's flesh…colored；〃 Murray said。
〃True。 But that's not what makes me uneasy。〃
〃Soft hands。〃
〃Is that it？〃
〃Soft hands in a man give me pause。 Soft skin in general。 Baby skin。 I don't think he shaves。〃
〃What else？〃 I said。
〃Flecks of dry spittle at the corners of his mouth。〃
〃You're right；〃 I said excitedly。 〃Dry spit。 I feel it hit me in the face when he leans forward to articulate。 What else？〃
〃And a way of looking over a person's shoulder。〃
〃You see all this in fleeting glimpses。 Remarkable。 What else？〃 I demanded。
〃And a rigid carriage that seems at odds with his shuffling walk。〃
〃Yes； he walks without moving his arms。 What else； what else？〃
〃And something else； something above and beyond all this； something eerie and terrible。〃
〃Exactly。 But what is it？ Something I can't quite identify。〃
〃There's a strange air about him； a certain mood； a sense； a presence； an emanation。〃
〃But what？〃 I said； surprised to find myself deeply and personally concerned； colored dots dancing at the edge of my vision。
We'd walked thirty paces when Murray began to nod。 I watched his face as we walked。 He nodded crossing the street and kept nodding all the way past the music library。 I walked with him step for step； clutching his elbow； watching his face； waiting for him to speak； not interested in the fact that he'd taken me pletely out of my way； and he was still nodding as we approached the entrance to Wilmot Grange； a restored nineteenth…century building at the edge of the campus。
〃But what？〃 I said。 〃But what？〃
It wasn't until four days later that he called me at hom